When I wrote my second book, I was discussing barrenness or infertility and I called barrenness a place of loneliness. It didn’t mean that I had no family, husband, friends and work colleagues. I had all these people surrounding me but the sadness was within me.

This feeling was compounded when pillar of emotional support I relied on as a replacement was pulled away from me. When my baby sister passed away that is when I felt exposed and alone. She was my confidante, she knew all what I wanted to achieve in my life, even though she was younger she was like a wisdom of a daughter to a mother. I felt fear creeping up into my bones so that I became very cold that being out of my bed, felt like the sky was falling onto me. I could not take any more of life. I became old and tired in a short space of time.

When you have been left behind after death, separation or divorce it is a time where being lonely can become a burden to oneself. Loneliness is something most people try to avoid. But at times being alone is an inevitable part of life. You can be emotionally lonely while in a relationship because the person you are sharing your life journey is emotionally unavailable. You can feel alone when you are surrounded by many people. It happens to some people at some point in time.

It is important to be able to separate solitude from loneliness and to understand what is behind your feelings so that you can embrace being alone. I am not saying it is easy to be in a lonely place. My loneliness led to sadness and before I knew it there was deep depression. I could not find strength to get out of bed because it felt like an iron curtain was pressing me into the bed. You could have friends or company with no meaningful relationships and that causes you loneliness.

What you should not forget is that God’s grace is full and free, his arms are waiting to embrace you and warm your heart. When loneliness was creeping into my heart, I kept going back to my Creator who fashioned me with love and cried out to Him.

Father, I am lost and alone. How do I get out of this? How do I carry on with this predicament?

I could hear the Lord whispering the words to my heart and say, I truly love you, come and let me give your rest. It is difficult to comprehend this when you are someone who don’t believe in God. But may I just add that when the spirit within you departs there is nothing left but clay which will disintegrate into dust and we are back at where you started, the clay that was breathed life into. Fear is what would cause you to be afraid of loneliness. You need to know what is causing you the fear and start from there.